On April 16, 2014, a South Korean Ferry capsized while carrying 476 people, mostly high school students on a field trip. Since the 16th, no survivors have been found. The death toll is over 150 now, and approximately that same number are still missing, presumably dead.
My heart aches. I try not to cry whenever I read reports of families, and their stories, but I often can’t help it. I don’t think anyone can even make up a story like this even if they tried. It’s hard to witness a family in the hospital losing their child, but to see hundreds of families wailing, beating their breasts in sorrow…..part of you wants to completely turn away and forget you even heard about it. I’ve been more weighed down about it than I’ve admitted out loud. Losing hundreds of adult lives is a tragedy enough, but losing hundreds of kids…. it just hits your heart in a place where you have to catch your breath. Hearing about the instances of cowardice juxtaposed with the insane courage and bravery some of the young people had ….. also leaves me speechless. I feel both anger and disgust at the former, while feeling shame with myself at the latter. Too many emotions tugging. I can only pray and hope that God will shape me to become more the latter. Although I definitely would never want to be put in a situation where I was tested to that extent, I really really do hope that I do deliver if and when the time comes.
In the meantime, Lord please help me fight the small battles, to prepare me for bigger ones ahead.
Haha this poor poor blog. So neglected… like xanga. Remember xanga?
Next week is the week that determines where I am going to be and what I am going to be doing for the next three years. In the worst case, next one year. Oh Lord have mercy on me. It’s what we call, “Match Week.” I have since finished medical school back in December and I’m working at a Neuroscience research lab.
While doing QT, and just waiting for Monday to come so I can find out if I should order a pediatric textbook, I started thinking about my journey in medical school, and looking back at old journals. The journal I read was from 2009/2010, and I sounded ….. pretty bad. It made me sad just to even remind myself of all the emotions I felt, the disappointment, hurt, confusion, and bitterness. The past 7 years have not treated me well, especially in the beginning half. After Match Day, I might post some of my old entries. Let whoever is still out there see glimpses of my journey.
It’s finally almost here. I can’t sleep because my heartburn is acting up, which usually happens when I’m stressed. I remember when I first booked this rotation/trip how excited I was. I’m not sure why I’m more worried this time around compared to the last time I’ve been to Ghana. Oh I remember. It’s because this isn’t a vacation and I actually have clinical responsibilities where a patient’s life can be dependent on the decisions I make. My roommate from first year went on this exact same trip and came back telling me she almost killed the fetus of a pregnant woman.
I have many other worries, but it doesn’t feel very productive to me to list them all out at this point.
6 weeks. It doesn’t sound like much, but if I have to face 6 weeks of traveler’s diarrhea, and seeing patients die in front of me every week, this might be a long 6 weeks. Lord, I ask for your mercy and grace.
Psalm 71:20, 21 NIV
“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more.”
Wassup WordPress?? Lol 2012 was not good to you. I’ll try to update more this year. Currently studying for step 2!
Wisdom calls aloud in the street…
“How long will you simple ones love your simple ways?
How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?
If you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you and made my thoughts known to you.”
Today I got to suture my first patient. It was during my plastic surgery rotation. It was on his face. Did I mention it was the first time I ever sutured a person? My resident then left me to go to morning rounds, while I was by myself suturing the lacerations.
Please refrain from drinking and driving if you do not want a random newb med student suturing your face. This includes motorcycles and ATV’s. It’s kinda cool for us, but it’s not cool for you.
My sutures looked okay, but I’m going to check them tomorrow to see if they got infected. They were all covered by the C-collar today, so I couldn’t tell how the wounds looked. I’m so worried if they got infected. A part of me is tempted to suture one stitch on my arm to see how it would heal, or at least poke the needle through to the dermal layer.